Agnes (why are we starting with Agnes, Geoff? I don't know, she didn't come to the party and I miss her. You miss her? Yeah, she's hot. That doesn't sound like you. That's why I said it. Oh. You're complicated, aren't you? Yup. What's going to happen to her, anyway? I don't know, she dies? No. Eventually, everyone dies. Even Twain? No. Okay, let's figure out what we're doing in this installment. I'm tired. Maybe we should just take a long hiatus. If we do that, we'll lose fans. Are we going to continue to write this forever? It sort of has to end sometime. Yeah, when I die. You don't look very well, Geoff. Thanks a ton. No, I'm serious. We should talk about taking a break, we don't have any fans anyway. Sure we do. Then why are only six people posting on the discussion board? They're all shy? I'm not. You're not people. I'm not even sure you're Steve, come to think of it.

(Okay, so where are we going with this? How come you put a parenthesis there? Well, with quotes, you don't close the previous paragraph but you open each paragraph with a quotation mark. I don't believe you. Give me three examples. Steve, I hate that game. Okay, give me one. Hand me your Blue Boy. They don't even make that any more, and anyway, any stories in that wouldn't have quotes that go over two or three words, much less more than a paragraph. Note even one by Pat Robertson? Okay, that issue was an exception. And how do you know about that, anyway? Hey, I'm cultured. I'm worldly. And it was reprinted in Look. Okay, I'll show you about the quote thing. Give me your Strunk and White. Get your own Strunk and White. You can order one from our site here. Nobody orders books from our site. My sister-in-law did once. Oh, yeah. What did she order? Blue Boy.

(Where were we? Oh, yeah, Agnes. What's going to happen? We have to move this thing forward, we're on Installment Thirteen and we've only gone a month and a half. That doesn't matter, it's been a pithy month and a half. Pithy, Geoff? Okay piquant. So, Agnes wasn't at the party. Will we ever meet her husband? He's dead. Really? Yeah, she wore him out. Would you want to live with Agnes? Well, maybe until I was weak. Or needed glasses.

(What about Matt? What about Matt? Should we give him a girlfriend? Sure. What should her name be? How about Jan? No, too common. How about Gladys. No, that sounds like an old woman. I think it's sexy. You would, you think Agnes is sexy. Not her name. Just her ample bosom. Should we give Twain a girlfriend? We already did. When? She came with him to Look Homeward Angel. We never said she was his girlfriend. Oh, yeah. Is she? Nice pants. Thanks. Did you just change the subject? Do you think I should shout everything I say for the rest of my life? Sure. LIKE THIS? Sure, Steve. AND THIS? You're scaring Cat. By the way, your neighbors called. THEY HATE YOU.

(Okay, this is hard. It usually just flows. Where are our notes? I lost them. Can we work in a Mr. Microphone? We've never really dealt with just passers-by, have we? You know, the people who pass by and say "Howdy" and Lee is confused that people are so friendly. You're not going to comment on the Mr. Microphone thing, are you? We already have Wheaties and Twister, that should be enough. Wanna take a writing class? What? They're offering one in this magazine. How much is it? Eighty bucks. And it's for on-line serials? No, stupid. Which magazine? Blue Boy. You've been waiting a long time for that, haven't you? What? Focus, Steve. I'm bored. This isn't going anywhere. There's no conflict. It's not funny. There's nothing happening. It's inconsistent. You always say that. We're interrupting it too much. We've only interrupted it once. Can we just skip to fourteen? That's just stupid, people will just think we're superstitious. Don't call me stupid. You called me stupid. I get to. Those are the rules. I never agreed to those rules. That's why they're rules. You don't get to agree. Huh? Focus, Geoff. Hey, what's this stuff in your refrigerator? Which stuff? On the second shelf. From the top or bottom? Bottom. What color is it? I don't know, sort of greenish gray. Salsa. Got any chips? On the first shelf. From the top or the bottom? Focus Steve. And it's spelled "grey". Not in my story. I suppose that's a rule? It is now.

(What about Agnes? She's boring. I thought you liked Agnes. Let's do one all about Headline. Oh, a whole installment on a guy whose only attribute is that he's incredibly handsome. That'll be interesting. You have a problem with that? Hey, I'm a bad fag, okay? I want a story with my titillation. You're just a bad male. What is this music we're listening to? It's called "Mondo Exotica". Put something on with a little umph, I'm having trouble writing, here. Where are you going now? Steve, put that down, you're going to break it. Have you talked to your sister lately? Yeah, she called this morning. Tell her I said "poop". Okay. What happened to my Spam® ball? It's under your chair. How did it get there? You threw it at Cat. Oh. Sorry, Cat. How old is this coffee? I don't know, I think I brewed it Sunday. Were there any flies in it? No. Then quitchyerbitchen and focus.

(Ancient American secret, Mr. Lee. What, now? You know, that old Tide™ commercial, "How do you get your whites so clean?" Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the commercial, Steve. How come it's always ancient Chinese or Japanese or Greek or something? Why aren't there any ancient American secrets? Think about it, Steve. It's America. Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Okay, let's do a whole installment on just Matt. It'll be really simple. You know, Matt walked down the street. Matt went home and said "hi" to his mother. Matt went out back and read Blue Boy. Then we could interrupt it for the whole installment. And call it "The Lost Installment". Okay, sure. And then we do a whole installment where everyone just sleds down a hill. Okay, never mind.

(Where were we? Agnes. Oh, yeah. I'm bored. Okay, fine. Sheesh. If I just agree to skip thirteen and go straight to fourteen, will you focus? Sure. Now, I'm getting hungry, damn you. Salsa? Um... No, thanks) needed to get drunk.