| Author | Subject: Come Out and Play |
| Geoff | Posted At 22:27:23 07/11/2005
After a bit of an absence, I've decided to come back to our old board to play a bit. Our new board has been taken over by someone who has somehow decided that Steve and I are the Anti-Christs of fiction and has made it their life's purpose to convince every individual, one-by-one, that they shouldn't encourage us by liking what we write. After some rather bitchy comments, the discussion did become an actual discussion for a short while, but it again devolved to a strange bitchiness. I love a good discussion, but it became increasingly clear that this person wasn't interested in a discussion, only in proving that they are right and smarter than anyone and everyone else. I decided I no longer wanted to play that game, so I'll not participate in that board for a while. In the meantime, let's talk about something interesting over here. How about some off-the-cuff doggerel? Amy Semple McPherson -- Her ministry was incoherence. Would she be so remembered a person Were it not for her strange disappearance? Or, perhaps - SOLSTICE The light of day remains ablaze Past night's threshold In purpose, bold. And night, in lover's response, delays Her dark repose For daylight's rose. These were off-the-cuff, just not today - I actually wrote them both in an e-mail correspondence with a friend on the longest day of this year in which he had mentioned Ms. McPherson for some unknown reason. Okay, an off-the-cuff one right now: I want to write an itty pome, But haven't a subject to use. Maybe, if my mind comes home It will give my fingers some cues. Okay, that was obviously off-the-cuff. Anyone else? Geoff - who wants to play |
| Dingo |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 10:50:28 07/12/2005 off-the-cuff, huh? I find that in the end of time The world will prob'ly go on In constant search of just one rhyme For a word that goes with orange. I suck at poetry, but I can at least be humourous. If the world were made of cheese And the moon of oceans and fish My feet would be more pleased But I'd need a fondue dish. ~D - who is glad there's still a place to play that the idiots haven't taken over. |
| Geoff (the other one) |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 13:31:27 07/12/2005 Glad someone came back here. I've been knocking around this empty place, getting attacked by large unmentionable creatures, and having my dessert stolen. I mean, after fighting off a 200 lb cockroach with just a flashlight (OK ..and a flamethrower), one would like to repair to a nice piece of cheesecake. How's this; A pepper grinder, Hard at work Did sniff a bit of snuff. He sneezed and shot A giant snot, Which landed on a R uff. He shook and flicked it off his sleeve, This vile disgusting stuff. It landed on my dinner plate, A booger, off- the- cuff. |
| Steve |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 17:40:00 07/12/2005 The post Geoff, Dingo, Geoff Steve wanted to play, too The kids all laughed and ran away Poor Steve |
| Dingo |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 18:10:47 07/12/2005 Poor Poor Steve He is just A guy trying To be noticed in This great for.um That he does Also Own |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 18:57:11 07/12/2005 Haiku on Weeping Willow: Abandon all hope Oh ye who enter these gates~ There may be farting |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 19:13:04 07/12/2005 P.S. - Dingo - my dad, who is a published poet, once rhymed "Orange" with "Porange". Yes, it's cheating, but what the hell, he's a genious. And in context, I seem to remember, porange actually seemed to mean something. Now all he needs to do is mechanically trisect an angle and he will have done all impossible things. Well, most. Well, two. Sort of. And GtOO - you made me spit coffee out of my nose. Geoff |
| mike |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 01:24:51 07/13/2005 |
| mike |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 01:27:58 07/13/2005 hi |
| elkinsmedia@yahoo.com |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 01:38:32 07/13/2005 I am a froot-ist on the street |
| mike |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 01:41:35 07/13/2005 sorry for the multiposts. i had to figure out which word the censor program would let through, i changed the spelling and was able to post. You'll be able to tell which word it was i think... Maybe this works if you imagine it read in an irish brogue I am a frootist on the street I offer nature’s tasty treats Oh range of tastes! Orange or grape apple, melon, kiwi, cherry. colors shapes and flavors vary take my advice and just be sure an avoid the spiny durian! Ok, that dosn't really work either, unless you imagine that it does, which is of course the simplest way around all problems. i suppose you could invint a new word that has a silent letter or letters in front of the letters thatcomprise orange such as.... nguorange - circa 2005 ad, 1.13am - def - a sticky coating found in the inner ear canal. hmm, narange? that's orange in spanish but is only a slant ryme. apparently the word silver dosn't ryme with anything either. |
| Dingo |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 10:11:41 07/13/2005 Mike, if you r.un with r.um While br.uising your dr.um You will find that the for.um Is not fond of the cr.umb And while the boards like a tuba They do not like Ar.uba For some irritating r.ube, he Spammed the boards very r.udely And if you think it's not quite tr.ue, we Think you will likely soon see. (translated, the censor blocks anything with R and U together... Geoff likes it that way) |
| Steve |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 12:35:35 07/13/2005 Today I bought a silver orange. I got it just in time. I had to use an old syringe To puncture its thick rind. It still don’t rhyme, I hear you say. I’ll tell you how it can. You just pretend to talk the way They do in Michigan! |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 15:14:58 07/13/2005 Steve has made me laugh out loud On more than one occasion. His orange should be rightly proud Of its Michigan persuasion. (MIKE! Welcome Back!!! And you hurt my brain, I'm still trying to figure out what word would go in that spot with an r and a u in it.) Geoff |
| Dingo |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 17:40:29 07/14/2005 Not off-the-cuff, but it's stuck in my head: A horse and a flea and three blind mice Sat on a curbstone shootin' dice. The horse, he slipped and fell on the flea "Whoops," said the flea, "there's a horse on me." |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 19:40:37 07/14/2005 When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes... Oh, wait, someone already wrote that one. It’s a good one, though. How about: How, now, brown cow My Grandad used to say When I think about it now It makes my hair grow grey. Okay, it’s late in the day. Better tomorrow, I promise. |
| Michael |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 11:56:42 07/15/2005 Once upon a time, there lived a vile villain who was livid about video lies about liver. Our villain’s feet would beat the street as he would repeat "Eat meat as a treat!" Have fear? No! Our hero only eats cereal (actually, he serially ate single Cheerios), and he washed it down with beer, you know. Well… Our villain was crossing a street that was wide, when our passerby hero's i-pod’s batteries died. Our hero offered, 'Cereal treat?'. Our villain replied gr.uffly, 'Go eat some meat!". Hero said 'Cheerios!". Villain said 'Gyros!". "Made of whole grains." "Pinot Grigio and brains." "Cholesterol Free!" "Kidney and Peas!" "HONEY-NUT FLAVOR!" "FROM STEAK I WON'T WAIVER!" "IT HELPS ME GO POO!" "I'LD RATHER HAVE STEW!" "TRY IT OR DIE!" "STICK A FORK IN YOUR EYE!" And with that, the battle started. It only stopped briefly, when somebody farted. There was tumbling, bumbling, stumbling and more. They fell to the street and rolled through a door. In the kitchen they stopped, and what did they see? One saw meat, the other, a mystery. The food item rested on a plate by the stove, and one of them leapt while the other one dove. Each got a grip, and started to tug it. They each got a piece of a Cheerio Chicken Nugget! It's tr.ue I tell you! Check if you might! See the recipe posted that resolved the fight: http://www.cheerios.com/recipes/snack_chickennuggets.asp The morale is simple: Food is to please. If you don't like meat and cereal, go eat some cheese. |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 12:32:58 07/15/2005 Brilliant Michael found a tasty treat He wished to splash upon the Willow board A simple link, he realized, would defeat The playful purpose of the raucous horde. A technophile, he backward engineered it And built upon his thoughts some tasty rhymes. In doing so, it ultimately appeared it Would lastly make him THE man for all times. |
| Steve |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 17:31:19 07/15/2005 A poem as I know ‘em Usually has to rhyme. So this gem just to show them Will be different this one time. |
| Steve |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 17:33:45 07/15/2005 A man, a plan, a banana. Bananaman. |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 20:14:18 07/18/2005 Dingo, Michael, Geoff, Mike, Geoff and Steve Gathered in a for.um you simply won't believe. Michael, Geoff, Mike, Geoff, Steve and Dingo Kept posting poems and wouldn’t let the thing go. Geoff, Mike, Geoff, Steve, Dingo and Michael All put rhymes up, adding to the cycle. Mike, Geoff, Steve, Dingo, Michael and Geoff Tried to make of it a sort of Roman à clef. Geoff, Steve, Dingo, Michael, Geoff and Mike Tried give the world a gallant strike. Steve, Dingo, Michael, Geoff, Mike and Geoff Now can prove they’re all profoundly deaf. |
| Michael |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 09:45:38 07/19/2005 D, G, G, M, M and S. They put us in this poetic mess. S, M, M, G, G and D. They labored and worked, without taking a fee. G, S, M, G, D and M. None of their rhymes is considered a gem. M, S, D, M, G and G. What do you expect when the talent works free? |
| Steve |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 18:20:18 07/19/2005 K,P,C,O,F,G,S, It’s all just Greek to me. With K and O in that mess, The P in front of C. If one had two cells or less, Then could it be a she? If one were to wear a dress, What the F would he be? |
| Michael |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 07:48:15 07/20/2005 S, P, F, C, CS, MF, T. Carlin said these seven words could not be on TV. Don't use them in a public place, nor in your parent's house. If you need to say them, be as quiet as a mouse. Now if you earn a living shocking people such as me, try to slip them into conversation on TV. You may be scolded, chastised, advised or shamed, but if you get away with it, you probably won't be blamed. Have you forgot these dirty words? You shouldn't, but some do! If going on the telly, look them up or you'll be screwed: http://www.erenkrantz.com/Humor/SevenDirtyWords.shtml |
| Geoff (the other one) |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 18:24:29 07/21/2005 Once upon a Willow, Weeping As I tossed, barely sleeping Dwelling over a curious, noisome puddle on the parlor floor. Suddenly there came a rapping, (sounding like a camel crapping), tapping, flapping at my condo door. "Tis the landlord,"I muttered,"slapping on my condo door, the rent is late; the fucker's sore." Shit, I remember! I haven't paid him since December, when the last dying ember, of a roach ignited a play by Shaw (then the curtains, the ceiling, and much much more). At the door, I feigned some sorrow, "Not tonight, but on the morrow. The cash I lack, I have to borrow. I'll hit up my girl, Lenore! She with dough forevermore. But alas, the beat proceded. The pounding never once receded. Pissed me off, thats for sure. If not the landlord, then who (or what) is darkening my humble door? Beating, beating on my condo door? Have I got wind, or something more? Presently my gas grew stronger, I farted loud, it echoed longer. I said "Listen asshole, this is getting to be a bore. Fact is I was napping, and like an twit you started rapping, wrecking a dream of Dinah Shore." I grabbed a bat, a cricket bat, and opened up the trembling door. "Tis a collection agent, nothing more". Peering into darkness glaring, hurling abuse and often swearing as I never have before. T'was just the night, and nothing more. "Now what the fuck.." I yelled in the blackness. The night pressed in. This is maddness, had I dreampt this all before? Out in the darkness I heard a flutter, and into the room with scarcley a mutter flew a mangy parrot from pirate days of yore. He flew about my two room dwelling and took a dump on the r.ug I'm selling. He flew to the couch and crapped some more. A dirty bird, a filthy whore. He perched upon a plastic Phallus, one foot long and made in Paris. A present for my fair Lenore. He perched an vibrated, nothing more. "Know you of Lee Harris, of Headline, of Twain?" the bird croaked at me in a ghastly refrain. "What is this?!" I replied in a roar, Begone from my house and haunt me no more. "They're stuff from a book you buy at a store!" Quoth the parrott "Your full of manure!" "They're as real as you or me, and I need a job as you can see. Thing's for me have really been bad, since I got canned from the Morgan ad." Captain my ass! That clown is a bore. Fired me for drinking and messing the floor. Working in advertising? Nevermore." "What can I do, you dr.unken old fowl? I'm out of work too, weak of knee and of bowel." "You're a shithouse poet, and post on that board, with Michael and Dingo and the rest of that hoard." I hung my head, for the bird knew the score, an outhouse artist forevermore! "Lee's bought a venue" the bird did go on "A place of acting,jest and gay song." "Gay song?"said I, "has Peter been writing?" "Naw," said the parrott "He's doing the lighting." "I sing, dance and act, do impressions and more, If they do Treasure Island I'll dazzel the floor." Quoth the poet "Yeah, I'm sure." This bird is a loser, his attitudes poor. He thinks I can get his foot in the door. What he get's is a cricket bat upside the head He flies from the dildo and fetches up dead. His mangy carcass doth breathe no more, I pluck him and roast, a white wine I do pour. I serve him on rice. Atkins no more! |
| Steve |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 19:45:37 07/21/2005 INT. JOSEPH COALER OFFICES - LATE AFTERNOON --------------STEVE------------- -------------(standing)---------- -----Clap... clap... clap, clap... clap, -----clap, clap, clap clap clap clap clap -----clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap. Others join him. FADE OUT. (Yes, Steve really said, "clap." Ask Geoff.) |
| Michael |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 18:07:47 07/24/2005 As I say to Geoff, 'Jolly Good'. As Pirate Billy said to his fair wench, and I say in place of Geoff, to Steve, 'Thank you for the clap'. |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 12:54:42 07/29/2005 A Sonnet to Writing Sonnets The poet has oft writ in sonnet form, Emulating Shakespeare's beat and rhyme: Eight lines, four then two lines is the norm, Pentameter is the desired time. The form is very easy to achieve; The meter, rhyme and str.ucture is a snap, And many schlubs who tried it do believe That's all there is, but what they write is crap. The str.ucture is the surface upon which The meaning, deep and subtle must rely. For love, not sex (or words) must be the pitch For all else is unworthy of a try. I humbly tip my hat to those before me Who have written sonnets tr.uly worthy. |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 13:51:12 07/29/2005 I had meant to write something worthy of that brilliant take on the Raven, but haven't had the time to sit and do it justice, so I knocked of this piece of drivel instead. Please, Geoff the Other One, know that I am bowing to your prowess. I am also in desperate need of a cup of coffee, but that has nothing to do with this post. Geoff - the one who can turn the sublime form of the sonnet into doggerel |
| Dingo |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 09:06:49 08/01/2005 What about the limerick? Once in the boards at Joe Coaler T'was a guy who was not a good bowler He lost grip on his ball And it flew down the hall To knock out one of Steve's molars On these boards you will likely agree That the work has a low pedigree It is all off-the-cuff And written quite rough Making most of it not worthy to see There once were two guys in LA Who woke up on one fine day To write a nice tale About an accountant whose stale life is fixed by a theater in a small town somewhere south or west of Chicago but definitely nearby somewhere and not too far down the way |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 18:41:04 08/02/2005 A scholarly dingo named Lord Used too many words in his poem. It made it quite fun To read while at work Because everything properly rhymed. |
| Michael |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 07:34:27 08/03/2005 I'm tired, weary and sore, from driving ten hours, or more. When asked 'What can be done?', I said 'Nothing hon...', then slept until quarter to four. |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 13:22:33 08/04/2005 Michael, I am sad to heary Your traveling made you quite so weary. At least you thought to write a poem Once you retired and ceased to ro-am. |
| Geoff (the other one) |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 14:30:21 08/04/2005 A man from Provincetown Mass., had Goolies made out of brass. He banged them together, to play Stormy Weather, and lightning shot out of his... Allright officer, I'll come quietly. |
| Steve |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 15:16:43 08/04/2005 This thread began on seven eleven the loaves came quickly from the pan some wheat and rye with others unleaven none baked by woman; all by man. A lady stands kneading in the kitchen waiting for her golden cr.ust chance for the men to stop their rhyming bitchin’ and allow her to wear the pants. Stanza three she cries, I shall deftly take with no pause, regret nor remorse blue ink flies like the venom of a snake to send said thread on no man’s course. Her pan is empty, her pen, dusty dry a puff of smoke, the thread is bare the men stand stunned, too shocked to weep or cry with mouths agape, they simply stare. What fun can we do now, one sadly asks I’ve an idea, another retorts please, they cry, tell us of such new found tasks we’ll start a new thread, one with sports! |
| Michael |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 08:51:20 08/05/2005 I knew this girl for a month. She was willing to ... What rhymes with month? Oh, forget it, I'll write again after I know her for a year. |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 14:39:38 08/05/2005 The Tigers are 52-55, The Pistons had a try, Steve said he wanted sports I'm not quite sure just why. |
| Geoff (the other one) |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 17:24:19 08/05/2005 We layed about the club house drinking our warm beer, hoping for a match to play to finish out the year. R.ugby is quite brilliant, when you play fifteen a side but tens and sevens are made to give the faster lads a ride. The older blokes did grouse and fret (and whine and carp and moan) "It's almost bleedin' Christmas We might as well stay home!" Then suddenly in the doorway, appeared an apparition. Six foot tall and blond of hair, the breasts defied description. "We're a girl's collegiate r.ugby team." the golden goddess said. "Our bus, outside, has broken down. I fear the bugger's dead." Inside they trooped, this lissome squad, under our very roof. Smooth of limb and large of chest, V iagra on the hoof! "That's quite a switch" our captain said, as he eyed the girls. "Most women's squads are kinda rough, not all legs and curls." "You sexist prick!" their leader yelled. "We'll make you eat those words. We challenge you to a match right now, if you've got the gourds." "If by gourds, you mean balls, of those we have a surplus. Except for Nutt, the poor old sod, he lost one in the service." "Let's make this fun," the vixens said "and not wear shorts or shirts, or underwear of any kind." The viscious r.ugby flirts! This is great, we all agreed, but what about a bet. If we beat you fair and square what is we'll get? "If by chance you beat us," the blond said to the crowd "We'll treat you to an orgy that would make a Roman proud!" "If we beat you bastards," the amazon went on, "you fix our bus for nothing, give us beer and we'll be gone." With both sides in agreement, to the changing rooms we ran Both sides to undress at once as quickly as they can. When I began this sordid tale recall the time of year. I said it was near Christmas, the air was cold and clear. The girls did look a wonder, as they frolicked in the night the chilly air, it did enhance some aspects of the sight! The men, upon the other hand were hesitant to show. The cold did do the opposite (things just couldn't grow!) "Whatever's wrong?" the blond did tease, dancing on the pitch. "Leave us be, we're not gonna play!" (you heartless r.ugby bitch!) Some r.ugby clubs can really play their scr.ums have super linkage, our biggest game was forfeited called because of shrinkage. |
| Geoff |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 14:28:41 08/08/2005 Once again, Geoff-too, you humble us all. And not because of the whole shrinkage thing, either. |
| Suz |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 17:10:17 08/19/2005 All right, boys. The poetry's been fun. In some cases (especially GTOO, as always) it's been hysterical and brilliant. Good thing my boss doesn't have her office in my building - I think the guffaws could be heard through the ventilating ducts. BUT - don't you think it's time to get back to WORK now?!?!? I mean, Mike and Dingo and GTOO can write the limericks and sonnets and all the rest, but Geoff and Steve...we really DO need to know why the bartender's named Headline, you know. So...a haiku. A plea for the next installment. We wait For Geoff and Steve To quit fucking around And write us something Love you guys. Mean it. Seriously. Now quit with the world wide book tour and write us some Weeping Willow. NOW please. |
| Steve |
Re: Come Out and Play (Currently 0 replies)
Posted At 13:30:51 08/22/2005 Yes, Mom. Sorry, Mum. It's Geoff's fault, Mom. He's easily distracted... Hey, it's Popeye! |