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Reports from the Private Investigator

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[Tony Mack] TONY MACK is a New Jersey Italian, which is as close as he comes to being the man he longs to be, Mr. Francis Albert Sinatra. He carries the Sinatra mantle in dress, style and mannerism. He falls short in the talent department, but somehow, Tony-boy still throws off a heavy Sinatra vibe. To Tony, it's still 1963, and he breathes only with the blessing of His Holiness, the Chairman of the Board: Frank. He's a walking time capsule, getting grins and giggles from the occasional black joke, gay joke, Jew joke and Irish joke. (Hey, nothing's meant by it. Lighten up, baggy pants.) He's charming, witty, the host with the most and the cat's pajamas in this swingin' slumber party. From his early days singing with the Buck Hendershot Orchestra to his motion picture work and 3 live performance, THE HIGH PRIEST OF HEY-HEY sprinkles in some goodies with the swagger. "Anything they can laugh at," he says, "they can't hate."

Johnny Braggo]
JOHNNY BRAGGO was tending bar in Atlantic City (a job that came easy to him) when one fateful night the headliner, Vie Pomona, came down with laryngitis and Johnny had to fill in. He stumbled onto the stage, drinking, doing some of his famous card bits and singing until the hostile crowd booed him off the stage. He wants to be Dean Martin. Fagedaboudit. Johnny can't sing a note. He still tries, though. He's never without an unfiltered Lucky Strike dangling from his lips, and a glass of hootch in his hand. He's seen every Dean Martin flick at least a hundred times. Slap some Burmashave on him, give him a straight edge, and he damn near looks like the real McCoy. Of course, Dean drank apple juice and pretended it was booze. Johnny drinks booze like it's apple juice. Johnny's also a New Jersey paison, and is Tony's pal and partner. Two guidos, one dream. He's stuck in 1963, too. (Christ, someone get these guys a calendar.)

Mr. Mingle himself, FREDDIE GOLD is Pure Gold. [Freddie Gold]
He's got the most talent in the crew. That's not saying much, Charley. He wants to be Sammy Davis Jr. and almost gets it done. Like Sammy, he can sing, dance, act, you name it. He adds that certain style to the gang. Freddie's a big-leaguer who'll lock up any opportunity to sing another number in the show. His motto: "Sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made, man." Poor bastard's stuck in 1963 like the other two. He's got a million dollar smile; show him a million dollars and boy will he smile.

[Eddie Wollf]
EDDIE WOLF's parents initially thought that he was possessed. After numerous exorcisms failed, they realized that most of the voices coming out of Eddie sounded familiar. Imitating cartoons and regurgitating obscure movie lines, he played the club circuit for six years before hooking up with Tony and the guys. The show's announcer, Eddie is Tony's biggest pain in the ass. He may not be as whacko as the rest of the guys but he does talk a lot about dating the likes of Kate Winslet, Alyssa Milano and Neve Campbell (hey, if you're gonna dream). Tony and Johnny love it when he does old Disney and Warner Bros. cartoon voices, but they just don't have the skinny when he does Cartman or Beavis and Butthead. He knows what year it is. He's a modern man, and tries to get the gabrones to snap out of their 1960's stupor.

[Toni Mack] Antonia Maccarizano, aka TONI MACK is Tony's torch singing wife. She was the front dame of "The Neapolitans", a white, Supremes knock-off band with a blond, a brunette and a redhead. She's a cross between Bardot and Barbarella, a real barn burner, a big-league chick. A throwback to a time when babes knew how to dress. She busts Tony and the Boys' stones and never passes up a shot to call them on every Rat Pack bit they lift. Tony couldn't do the show without her. If he tried, she'd kill him. She's one cool kitty guaranteed to give you "Fever"...

[Bubbles]
BUBBLES was born in the City of Dreams, Las Vegas, descended from three generations of showgirls. Traumatized on a flight from Vegas to Reno when the plane developed engine trouble, she grabbed hold of a fellow passenger (who turned out to be Johnny Braggo), and he held her hand all the way down. The plane landed safely but Bubbles' voice was lost forever as a result of the harrowing experience. Advised by her doctors to seek the beneficial ocean air, she moved to Los Angeles and signed on with Tony Mack. She can't talk, but what a chassis on that twirl.

JOE, the Stagehand and all around mysterious guy, [Joe]
first gained prominence as one of the ill-fated American hostages in Iran during the crisis from 1979-l980. The only one to escape, Joe headed straight to Paris where he enrolled in the Academie' Rue de Sorbonne Culinary Institute, aspiring to be a world-class chef. Expelled for undocumented reasons, he continued on to brief careers as a taxidermist, cutlery sharpener and postal sorter. He knows how to do everything from fixing a microphone to fixing a cat. He's a quiet, good-looking fella' with an "I-love-Lizzy-Borden" smile. Joe's either the world's calmest man, a serial killer, or both. He likes clowns and his favorite color is plaid.

TOMMY SULLIVAN has been singing and acting on stage and in motion pictures and television much to the delight of his adoring fans in Europe and beyond, but has yet to find a toe-hold in these United States. Tommy credits Tony Mack and his crew, whom he met while they were working in Vegas many years ago, with keeping the possibility of Hollywood alive for him. When he is at last able to conqure that frontier, he says with a wink and a toast of good Irish whiskey, he will finally be able to tell those Italian gumbas precisely what he really thinks of them.

[Blackjack]
BLACKJACK GAMBONE was the Chowder Belt Boxing Association Light-Heavyweight champion before hanging up the gloves. Always the renaissance man, he became a rising star of the New England summer stock circuit. He met Tony and Johnny while organizing card games for visiting celebrities who came to Boston to play nightclubs and meet college chicks. Ferocious with his fists, a god in games of chance and always a solid Hamlet, Blackjack is three of a kind.

JACK ZUCKER [Jack Zucker]
likes steak and he likes people who like steaks. So when Jack's not handicapping the ponies down at the Hollywood Park or picking up some scratch hustling skins on the links, you can find him waiting on the hotties at Musso and Franks. A drinking buddy for Johnny Braggo and a stone breaker for Tony, J.Z. will pop up from time to time at the "lunch cart."

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